My mystical experiences:
I was 17, a very close acquaintance’s son had tried to molest me. When I told this to my father, he confronted the friend, who was so sure that his son could never do such a thing, charged my father of falsely accusing his son, and said that we must be having some hidden agenda in doing this. My father went furious, so his friend had said, “I have so much faith on my son, that I vouch my life on his innocence”…The man died within a few days. He had a brain stroke, was admitted to the hospital, but could not make it back.
We were shocked and saddened by the suddenness of the event. But, for the first time in my life I was proved that, there is a divine power who is watching over me and I need not worry. But life went on, and in time I drowned again in my worthlessness, forgetting the message I had received long ago. My self-talk would usually go this way; “why would anyone even want me? Everyone will be better off without me? I am not good at anything, I don’t deserve anything good”. Feeling unhappy and like a failure most of my life, going through depression, having dying thoughts and life seeming as a never ending suffering.
Recent times: While walking my dog one morning, going through the usual ‘victim’ thoughts, life felt meaningless. Absentmindedly, I spotted a sparrow with one leg, hopping on the grass, catching worms. The vision captured my eyes, and I felt pity for the poor creature. I wondered how it lost its leg and afraid that it will not live much longer. The next morning, I saw it again, and the next and the next, every morning hopping on the grass, catching worms, flying to the partner, cooing together and living a perfectly normal life. One such mornings, I followed the bird while it flew off to a nearby tree, there I saw the nest, with two young ones poking their heads out in excitement, while my precious little sparrow was feeding them.
A profound revelation dawned in, I realized that nothing is stopping the bird with a leg to live its life. Then what is it that’s stopping me, in spite of having all body parts intact? I reflected on this for several days, and realized that the bird did not feel lesser than other birds because no one made it feel that way. Whereas, I had believed what others told me and made me feel about myself.
For the next few years, many such subtle messages were revealed to me. Trying to find a meaning of my life, I signed up for a Spiritual Retreat to Tanzania, in August, 2016. I was walking in the streets of Zanzibar with the group of retreaters. We found a kitten stuck in a window mesh, the poor little creature was tired struggling there, and was giving up. I, and our retreat facilitator, with great difficulty was able to release the kitten and send it back into the house. The next day morning I was having breakfast in a hotel 200kms away from Zanzibar. After breakfast, I walked into the lawn of the hotel, and there was this mother cat with her litter of kittens, as I walked towards them, she came to me and began to circle around me, I knelt and she began to brush her coat against my body and went on moving around me. And then she left, followed by her litter. It was such a mystical experience for me. As if the mother cat was trying to express her gratitude for saving the kitten the day before.
How could it be? The kitten which I had saved was 200kms away? I sat down quietly and listened to the little voice inside me. I felt a sense of awe, at the interconnectedness of this Universe. We are all connected, we are all One, and this can only be experienced when we are in a place of compassion and love, when we open our divine heart to others.
I had a dream, I saw myself dying. In my dream, it was the middle of the night. I was sleeping and suddenly I was woken up by hustling sounds, I open my eyes to see that there were two intruders in my bedroom. They were robbers with guns, who were there obviously to rob the house. I don’t exactly remember if we exchanged any words, or if I did anything to stop them! The only thing that I prominently remember, is, I was shot by one of them. I distinctly remember my death.
This can be categorized as a very common dream. As dreams give expressions to our fears and desires, this could be seen as one in which my fear of death was re-lived in the dream state. But, what was surprising was my emotional reaction to seeing me die. I saw myself saying “thank you” to my executor, as if I was in complete understanding of what was happening. I found myself in peaceful agreement with death. I even thought of my executor as a soul who has a karmic obligation towards me, my soul had planned its exit, and chosen the method, and the robber had to be there that night to execute the higher plan. And ever since that night, some sort of spiritual awakening happened, where I am able to see death as only an experience, same as birth, and be in a state of peaceful acceptance.
I have been going through a profound journey of self-awareness. I understand that karma is just the feedback we manifest from our emotional response to an experience. So, this dream was lucid to a certain extent. What emerged from that dream; I have overcome my fear of death. I checked myself several times while driving to work and imagining dying in an accident! My emotional response was same as it was in my dream…acceptance, peace and gratitude!
I was looking for answers, and each experience helped me awaken to those answers. I had drifted away from self, I had believed the others when I had to believe in myself. The little bird taught me self-belief, taught me that all my sufferings are in my mind; the mother cat taught me Oneness of the Universe; the dream made me shed my old self and attain a state of peaceful acceptance of what may! I found wisdom in letting go.
Each of those exceptional experiences, suggested that it was time for me to change, to transform and get rid of my old illusionary self. They suggested that I have capabilities beyond those which I generally identify with. It is my capability to reflect and contemplate and read the signs that gave me the power to transform. I am able to get back that old feeling, which I had when I was 17. I am guided, I am being watched over, and I am connected. I am in my path and I continue my journey with a sense of openness towards life, each day channeling the divine heart through meditation, self-reflection, connectedness, through the non-duality of everything leading to co-creation.
The Universe is talking to us everyday; everyone of us have questions which need answers; look around; connect; accept with openness; free yourself from the bondage of conditioning…❤️